Stupid Traffic Tricks

Last night, I witnessed the dumbest driver that I've EVER seen. I live in Atlanta, so I've seen many morons on the road!

I was taking Angel home to Oakhurst via E College Ave. This requires a left hand turn onto McDonough right after Agnes Scott College. There is no turn signal at this light. Traffic was still heavy at 7:15pm or so, which means that in order for anyone to turn left, the first car must pull up into the intersection on green in order to make the turn on yellow. It's standard practice to do this in order to keep any sort of traffic flow. Otherwise, no one will get through the intersection, like, EVER, as the case in point will illustrate.

We pulled up just as the light was going from green to red and one car got through. The stupid woman in front of us was first in line. The light got around to green again and she didn't move an inch into the intersection, so I figured she planned to gun it on yellow and squeak through as is the practice here. Well, NO. She sat there. (We're on light no. 2 for those keeping track.) The light goes through another cycle and comes back to green (#3). She still sits. Now there are 4 or 5 cars behind me patiently waiting, but I'm now yelling out the window for her to MOVE INTO THE INTERSECTION. She moves up about 2 feet, then stops again and lets the light go red. Now she's too far into the intersection.

Meanwhile, here comes a MARTA bus up McDonough, making a left turn into our lanes. This is a narrow street, so the bus needs LOTS of room, and of course our resident moron is in the middle of the intersection. Even when the bus is about to take off the front of her car, she sits there. By now, EVERYONE in the bus and in their cars has begun yelling at her to MOVE. All of us in queue start inching our cars back so the asshat can have room to back up and get out of the fucking way. I'm waving her back as she inches about a foot then stops again. I'm SCREAMING at her to come on back, she's got room. So she inches again. Everyone on the bus is hanging out the windows directing traffic and I'm telling her to come on back some more. She then floors it and gives my bumper a good whack and I tap the car behind me from the impact.

The bus manages to get by but now the moron is too stupid to pull back up and get off my bumper. I scream at her again to MOVE THE FUCK UP. (I believe the actual quote would be "Move the fuck up you stupid cunt!!!") She moves about a foot up. We've missed another light in all this, so now we're on light #4. The idiot from Whitfield county is now waving at me and pointing to the side street, as if she wants to discuss the bumper incident. Yah, RIGHT. Stupid bitch! Go back from whence you came you stupid hick. You obviously canNOT handle driving in the Big City. Christ!

The exasperated girl behind me has finagled enough space to pull out of the turn lane and into the through lane to the right, which in turn allows me and the rest of the line of about 10 cars at this point to pull out of the turn lane and get around this nimwit. Green light #5 shines its beatific light upon us and as I jet around the stupid hick from Whitfield county, she has this look on her face like "OH! You can't go, we've not discussed the bump!". I waved at her and we proceeded to Oakhurst. Light #6 was changing as we drove away.

She was still sitting there, holding up traffic, apparently paralyzed with fear of turning left without a signal. I was sure she'd still be there when I came back on McDonough. She wasn't, so all the traffic from downtown must have cleared out so she could turn with no one in the oncoming lane.

Fuckwit.

We assumed that this horribly stupid woman normally gets around by only making right hand turns. This woman has NO idea how much energy it took to not get out of my car, drag her out of hers, get in and make the fucking turn FOR her, then beat the shit out of her and key her car for good measure. Angel was fit to be tied as well. Rather than get hauled to jail for beating an obviously retarded girl, we had a massive laughing fit while we were trapped behind her. It's been my experience that it's better to just burst into screaming gales of laughter than beat the living shit out of some moron who desperately deserves it. As we tooled over to Angel's house, we wished the stupid cunt the night that she deserves.

And people wonder why there is such a thing as Road Rage. Duh!

Posted by Misangela at October 28, 2004 05:16 PM