Those scamming motherfuckers at Capital One are SO full of shit. If you'll recall, I wrote about the scam they ran on me back in Oct. Today I got a wild hair and decided to try once again to close the fucking card. I found that if you use the automated system and try to close your card you'll end up with the SENIOR staff - the account salvagers. Too bad they didn't step in when all this first happened, but they did not.
This guy was very nice and wanted to know why I wanted to close the account. I told him, "Because Capital One sucks". He said, well, why do you say that? So I told him the sordid tale and the fact that Cap One can kiss my 750 credit rating ASS. He tried valiantly to convince me that NO, Cap One wasn't really like that at all and it was all marketing's fault... Right.
He says he closed the card for real. We'll see. Like I need to deal with pissants like Cap One when I've got more credit than GOD? Puhleeze.
Use any company on the planet other than Cap One. They are lying cheating scamming assholes.
It's been a while since I've felt the need to rant and rave like a lunatic but circumstances have finally pushed me over the edge of Not Giving A Big Shit what anyone thinks about me. There are people and situations that have pissed me the hell off in the last few months and I'm gonna bitch. Don't wanna read it? Click that little BACK button and go back to where you came from, bitches.
Here's the list in no particular order:
1. The people that think I want to be their mama and then treat me like shit and try to control who I can talk to: fuck off. I'll be friends with whomever I wish and I'll tell the truth about you, too. Sorry to fuck up your web of lies. You're really not that clever and certainly not that entertaining. And I NEVER wanted to be your mama. YOU made that part up for your own twisted reasons. I don't need your rude, passive-aggressive crap in my life. Also: pay what you fucking owe me, assholes.
2. The Greek Mafia: fuck you for ruining the Moon. You suck, you don't pay your bills and you can't even do payroll checks without them bouncing. I'm done worrying about it, you can all fuck off. I'm not putting my name in the same sentence with you assholes. Just pay me what you owe me in cash and I'm gone. RIP Crescent Moon. :-(
3. The person who thinks I should "hang on" and not cut people and/or situations loose, like, EVER: shut the fuck up. I'm tired of hearing it. I'm not you and I don't feel the need to keep pouring energy into lost causes. See #1 and #2 for said LOST CAUSES. Figure out what your issue is and I'll talk to you about that. I'm done listening to how I don't give things a chance. We all know it's about money, don't we? Just admit it so we can work it out.
4. The Dragoncon Kool Aid Drinking cult: kiss my ass. I'll say whatever the fuck I feel like about that pathetic excuse for a Con. I'll never EVER be a Kool Aid drinking con slave like you and I'm happy about that. Fuck off if you don't like it. I'll make sure to remember you losers while I'm at a REAL con called Comic-Con San Diego meeting all the sci-fi stars that matter and rubbing elbows with every comic book company on the planet.
5. Ditto for ACE Atlanta.
6. As a matter of fact, the city of Atlanta and pretty much everybody can kiss my fucking ass. I'm sick of this whole scene and I'm sick of asshole people sucking up my energy and oxygen. Just fuck off already. If you don't like me, then move the fuck on. Just damn.
7. Birthdays are starting to really suck. I don't like them any more. I don't like the numbers and I don't like where I am in relation to the numbers. Bah. Fuck birthdays. Who knows if I'll do the Sunday thing or not? If not, just party with Emily. You'll never miss me.
2007 is ending and I'm glad of it. It's been a dead end year. Hopefully 2008 will bring some new energy with it. I could certainly use some. I'm about to lose my everloving mind at the moment. The urge for a road trip is just about to overpower me. Have credit; will travel.
The week was ok at the start then spun into a vortex of doom by Thursday.
First off, I got my nasty viscious period on Wed and spent all of Thur afternoon on the couch spaced out by oxycodone. Once again, I was seriously considering a field hysterectomy - just gimme a spoon and a shopvac...
Then Friday I called ASSurant (emphasis on the ASS) to find out why our quasi-insurance went up 30% fucking percent. I get this bitch on the phone who is completely nonchalant about a 30% increase. She said, "Well, your state has a lot of claims. It's justified." Oh RILLY? An HSA account with a $5400 fucking deductible that only a handful of people in this state has is costing poor pitiful ASSurant SO much money that they had NO CHOICE but to raise the rates??
BULL FUCKING SHIT. So I canceled it. FUCK ASSURANT AND FUCK THE WHOLE INDUSTRY. I'll go to Costa Rica and get my healthcare there, where any American who doesn't work for a huge company or is not independently wealthy goes for decent, reasonably priced healthcare. It's no coincidence that foreigners typically return home to the UK or France or where ever when they retire: they can get healthcare there!!
It's a fucking sin that in the richest country in the world, our healthcare sucks so pitifully. If you're not on Medicaid or Medicare, work for a large company who pays for your insurance or wealthy, you are FUCKED.
We have decided that we'll take the $1000 that ASSurant is holding in their sucky little savings account, put it in a DECENT interest bearing account and add the $250 we've been wasting with ASSurant into this account every month. Then we'll have our own HSA without paying extortion to some asshole insurance company. We figure, you know, if anything big happens, we'll just pay it off directly to the hospital. FUCK INSURANCE.
I'm going to go to Costa Rica. I have a friend who did that and she can't say enough nice things about the high level of care and the reasonable prices.
So, I plan to write letters to everyone to the President of ASSurant (emphasis on the ASS) to the Ins Commissioner of GA to dumbass Dubya himself. It will do no good, but damn will I feel better. :-)
The more things change, the more they stay the fucking same.
And that's all I have to say about THAT.
There it is in the paper today: "The third season finale [of Battlestar] landed with a ratings yawn..." "But SciFi did give this critical fave a 22 episode fourth season run, which may be its last."
YA THINK?
I HATE SCI FI CHANNEL WITH A PASSION VERGING ON HOLY.
Asshats.
WTF is wrong with SciFi channel? In yet another boneheaded move, they have left the series with a 10 month gap. That channel is clearly run by morons. I swear, I've never seen such stupid shit. First they move it to Sundays with commercials that are straight from Dawsons Creek. Now they leave it hanging until NEXT YEAR.
Do they really, honestly, expect the series to recover from that? How stupid can one bunch of suits be? The company that runs this channel (and USA and some others) defies any sort of logic when it comes to managing their series. They totally ruin the continuity of a show then cancel it when it "fails to bring in the numbers". Well, HELL, if viewers can't find the frelling thing because you've moved it then you take it off the frelling AIR for almost a year, DUH, ya think you might lose people?
Just DAMN.
They canceled Farscape. They canceled Stargate SG-1. They've ruined Battlestar. Atlantis will be next, but that's no great loss. I think they should just rename the channel Bad Movies R Us and be done with it. Sci-Fi my ASS.
Guess we're left to watch our last episodes of Stargate SG-1 and move on. Fucking assholes. I think I shall switch to BBC America. They have some good stuff and although they have funky seasons, at least the content is there.
FRELL. I liked Battlestar. I know I've said it before, but I really do detest Sci-Fi. They are run by suits who are clueless. Anytime they touch a sci-fi show, you can be sure they'll trash it.
FRELL.
I was taking DJ to the vet this morning and clicking around local radio. Ewww. Anyway, I ended up on a morning show who had some self help woman on taking calls. This guy called in and was whining about how he couldn't get away from his mommy and daddy because he is an only child and they guilt him into living at home and taking care of them. He was calling because this is getting in the way of his relationship with his fiancée...
First off, does anyone else think it's a miracle that this guy HAS a fiancée? Thought not.
So, this loser has somehow found a woman dumb enough not only to date his lame ass, but to go as far as to MARRY HIM!! Call the Pope, it's a miracle. And call MENSA, this girl is clearly an candidate... ::snark::
But I digress. He's talking to the self help woman, telling her that his daddy is sick and he spends all of his time doing stuff for his parents. The woman asks, well, how old are your parents? He says they are in their fifties!! They are not even RETIRED! After I stopped laughing, I was aghast at just how big a loser this guy is. The self help woman advised him to "set aside the guilt" and "live your own life". Well, DUH, ya think?
// begin RANT
Gods, if I have to listen to ONE more person whine about how his/her mommy and/or daddy ruin his/her life I think I'll hurl. And these people wonder why they have issues with relationships! Hmm, here's a guess: you are infantile and immature!
I know I've been very lucky to have had few ties with my parents and this makes me particularly callous to the issues of parental guilt and manipulation. But just DAMN.
Why should I, or anyone else, go out of our way to further coddle and pet these people who refuse to grow up? I get lots of shit for being "mean" to people who are incapable of separating from their families but I swear I just don't get it. Why is it OK for an adult to be bullied, harangued, manipulated and bossed around by his/her mommy or daddy? Why is everyone else supposed to nod our heads sympathetically and enable these clearly immature people to remain so? Why do I get shit for simply not wanting to participate in the dramas these people are constantly creating?
It's really funny to me that I'm the bad guy when I try to offer these childish adults some ways to disengage from mommy/daddy rather than simply sit there and agree with how horrible it is to be such a complete BABY.
And, OH, fer chrissakes, do NOT talk to me when you're fishing for commiseration about your mommy/daddy problems. I may do it a few times, but after a while, I'll start offering advice on how to stop being such a retard. Sorry, but that's the way I work. I will NOT sit and listen to stupid shit that can be avoided rather simply for an indefinite time. I will also not give you praise and awards when you DON'T act like a stupid asshole for once. Isn't that sort of the GOAL? To not be a stupid asshole who loses his/her shit everytime family interaction is required? Don't get me started on these people who voluntarily call home, go home for holidays and generally interact with their families continuously and THEN whine about it.
Just grow up, you whiny people. Don't wanna talk to your family? Don't! Christmas sucks when you go see the family? Don't go. Get a life and be an independent person. At any rate, please don't whine to me about it.
Thank you.
// end RANT
Disclaimer: This is NOT directed at anyone in particular. The radio show was just so pathetic that it riled me up about this subject. Don't take it personally, bitches!!
Just DAMN. I get a call from Nick this morning telling me he'd been in yet another wreck on 285. This is the second one this year. Each time he has been rear ended by some asshole who a) was tailgating and chatting on the phone, b) was uninsured and c) was black. Draw whatever conclusions you wish from those facts. Anyway, in each case his truck has suffered zero damage. Thank the gods of traffic that we got that gas guzzling 6 cylinder 4WD Ranger!! We never wanted that sort of truck, but we got a racehorse deal and it's saved us from going through 2 cars this year alone.
This time, the chick who hit him was driving a rental car that was borrowed from her cousin who, of course, didn't pay the $5 extra to insure it. Nick didn't call the cops since this dumbass would have been taken straight to jail for driving a car NOT rented by her and having no insurance. He figured, what the hell, the truck was fine and she was in enough shit as it was. Merry fucking Christmas.
As much as I hate the fact that the truck sucks gas, if we'd had passenger cars on the road every day this year, we'd be going through them like water. Hell, we almost lost my car as it is, wouldn't it be GREAT to lose mine plus two others? It's time to fucking move. This town is just crap and getting worse.
In other news, Nick's company didn't pay them on time this week with NO notice or explanation, which means I get a notice from BoA that "they ain't no money in your accounts, YO". Nice. And since I cleaned out my account yesterday to pay off the frelling JCP card that Nick neglected to pay for 2, yes TWO months I've got no money in the biz acct. The big fat check that a client owes me is conveniently lost in the goddam mail and we've pilfered savings for something else, so the upshot is a transfer from one of the credit cards. That is SO fucked up. I can't remember when the last time I've had to use such "creative" financing.
This year has sucked big hairy donkey balls and I just wish it was OVER. I'm stressed out from all the new client activity. I just found out that the online magazine I update was moved abruptly to a new host and I've no idea what is going on. Money is frelled. My goddam PO box is useless. Ah, yes, what a wonderful morning.
GRR. If you don't need to talk to me today, it's best that you don't. I'm currently a bit "touchy". MEROW! CK CK CK! FFFFFT!
This is my response to the hippy mothers who think everyone on the planet shares in their love of motherhood and suckling their brats. Recently a nurse-in was staged by these militant breeders who think that THEIR rights far outweigh everyone else's just because they are breeders. Um, NO.
I really, truly have nothing against breastfeeding. However, I've worked with the public and I know how these militant breeders behave. I've seen how these madonnas whip out their dripping teats at restaurants and proceed to slap their brat up there with no consideration for the rest of us who have no interest in watching her suckle her brat. There are breast pumps for a reason, you moronic breeder!! No one wants to see your nasty lactating breasts while trying to have a civilised meal!
I've seen these breeders at the restaurant, gagging people around them who have no desire to participate in their parenting. It's called civilisation you frelling hippy!! I've also seen these same women who think that they are beyond reproach just because they've reproduced slap the brat on the dinner table and change a diaper. Oh, yah, that's nice. It's nasty, no one needs that kind of harassment and you should not be out in public if you can't understand that.
The hippy mantra of "it's a natural bodily function" is a crock, too. Last time I checked, burping, farting, pissing, shitting and fucking are also "natural bodily functions", but we don't generally do them at the dining table or while sitting next to a stranger on a plane. (freaks and fetishists exempted, of course)
Militant hippy mothers everywhere need to get a clue. NO ONE cares if you breastfeed or not. I think it's a deep need to have all of society acknowledge how great a mother they are by demostrating the act of nursing in public. These women need psychological help. They clearly have gone over the edge and need to be told how wonderful they are by someone, anyone, so they feel that harassing everyone they possibly can will get them the kudos they deserve.
No one owes you diddly, hippy. GO HOME and drip your breast milk all over your own table. Or use a frelling breast pump like other civilised women and feed your brat from that. Or better yet, leave the brat with a babysitter when you go out so we won't have to deal with the whole nasty mess.
I go to the new agey NSA doc and what do I get? First, I do get an adjustment, for about 10 minutes. Then she proceeds to beat me over the head with the New Age stick and tell me that my back is out because I didn't do a detox when she told me to and I haven't changed my diet to the Blood Type Diet like she told me to.
WTF?
For one thing, the adjustment should be about 20 minutes, not 10. Secondly, I daresay that my diet has little to do with the sudden onset of paralyzing back pain. While I appreciate her counsel, it's not doing me a lot of good right this minute. YES, we should all be nice and "think nice thoughts about ourselves and our lives". YES, we should all eat fresh wholesome organic health foods that are precisely aligned with our blood types and don't forget those chakras. YES, we should all sit around and meditate on the state of our souls and how we can "make a better story for ourselves".
But none of us do. We do the best we can. I take my supplements and I eat a decent diet. Come OUT of me, HIPPIE!! I can't believe she wasted half my adjustment time telling me that not doing the Blood Type Diet and not thinking nice thoughts about my life (like SHE knows my thoughts, yah) has caused my disk to compress. ?? At least I found out that my vertebrae are not out of whack, it's most likely the disk.
I think it's more reasonable to assume that the new exercise routine has something to do with it. But NOOOO, according to her, it's all my fault for not changing my diet to the one she prescribed a couple of months ago.
Well, look, I understand the importance of diet more than most and I've looked at the Blood Type Diet. I think it's pseudo-science hooey. I will never follow the Blood Type Diet! So I don't understand why she thinks it's helpful to me to be lectured about my "bad habits" and lack of "appreciating the pain as a gift". Um, pain is not a gift, it's a PAIN, hence the name, PAIN. Duh. Pain means there is something wrong right now and it needs to be addressed right now. She actually said, "when you have the pain, you should think 'thank you' and try to appreciate it and not be so NEGATIVE about it". Um, yah, and don't forget to sing Kumbayah while I'm at it. FRELL!
Gods, I wish I could just go, get the goddamn adjustments for 20 minutes and LEAVE. I really don't have the patience to be lectured when I'm in pain - especially about something that I don't think is relevant right this second. Of course, we should all navel gaze and be vegetarians and think happy thoughts, but I don't think that it'll help a compressed disk that's hurting like a motherfucker.
Frelling New Age HIPPIES. CK! CK! CK!
The adjustments do help, however, so I'll put up with her stupid ass to get what I need from her. I"ll just have to avoid undue conversation. I don't want to snap her like a twig just yet, but I may have to if she ambushes me like that again. Just DAMN.
Just your virtual laundry list of CRAP that is currently on my last nerve and making me quite cranky:
1. I hate the web. I really don't like any of the stuff I'm doing now and I just want to quit doing it all together. The web has degenerated into two camps as far as design goes, either you're a high end developer or you're completely unable to code yet you bill yourself as a "web designer" selling Yahoo sites to people. Yes, I met someone who does this very thing. I can code, but I'm not a developer. I make clean, navigable sites that are user friendly and accessible to everyone. The Yahoo person will end up making 10 times what I make by selling Yahoo websites as real sites and get away with calling herself a web designer. And people will gleefully pay her several hundred dollars for a Yahoo site. I give up. I can't compete with web ninjas or people who think a Yahoo site is the same as a real site. Just damn.
2. I'm bored bored bored with my life. This is my issue and I've got to find something new to entertain myself and make some cash.
3. Nick has suddenly developed the habit of eating my food. Off my plate, from the takeout bag, whatever. I don't know what this is about, but today I'm sitting here starved to death and must rummage the fridge to eat. Grrrrr.
4. I'm sick of hearing about chick drama. It's no one who might read this, but I'm currently having to listen to tales of woe about these chicks who have run rampant over a friend and I just don't care. Want chicks to leave you alone? Then don't hang out with chicks!! Is that so frelling hard?
5. I'm stessed out by health issues: my own, my boss's, my friend. It's giving me an ulcer.
That's it. Not a long list, but enough to make me a hatah. Right now is just not a good time to want me to listen to any bullshit. I've got plenty of my own, thanks.
Now, I must go forage for food. I have a party to attend later, and NO, I'm NOT in the mood. ::sigh::
I'm FOUL today, just plain FOUL. I pity all who must interface with me.
I hate every person on this stinking rock in space. I'm OVER people. Everybody.
I'm over my back hurting (this will be 3 weeks running).
I'm over feeling like SHIT from the time I wake up until the time I fall asleep.
I'm over my fat ass that's totally immune to diet/exercise. Why can others do 30 mins of exercise a day and lose 30#, but I can do it and lose only 5? That SUCKS. How many goddam salads can one eat and still be fat? Gods dammit!!!
I'm over asshole people who don't appreciate me.
I hate my jobs.
I'm bored.
I'm sick of helping people out only to have my time wasted because they don't give a shit about whatever it was they asked me to do in the first place. Here's a hint: DON'T ASK ME TO DO YOUR BULLSHIT. MY TIME COUNTS, TOO, YOU KNOW. Assholes.
I hate that Dave is now an invalid and I will have to devote much of my time to taking care of him. It's not something I particularly want to do, yet I would never NOT do it. It's a strain that I really don't need now.
I'm tired of having no voice in anything I do. I just do tasks, but I don't create. It sucks.
I detest this nasty ass town and I want to move.
I'm in a rut emotionally, sexually, intellectually, physically. In every way.
AND PEOPLE WHO CALL MY FUCKING CELL PHONE B/C THEY CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHICH NUMBER IS WHICH!!!! ARGH!! 404=HOME 678=CELL, which COSTS ME MONEY. GAH! WHAT is SO fucking hard to understand??!! I have sense enough to avoid paying cell contracts, hence my cell bill is about $10/mo - even with all the bullshit calls that I have to deal with due to the above conditions. GRRR.
I have on my two flip off Foamy shirt today. It barely scratches the surface of my loathing.
If you don't need to call me or anything, I'd strongly suggest NOT until I'm over this little episode of Fear and Loathing: Summer Edition. If you do, don't say I didn't warn you.
mmmmmeeROW!! Pffft! Pfffft! Kitty SCRATCH.
Yah, I just realised that the linked static html pages of this site (take Misangela's Webcam, for instance) are still in the old style. Grr. I've got to take some time and integrate them into the database. Well, prolly not today.
Also: have mentioned how much I totally and completely despise myspace.com? Gods, I thought LJ was bad!! I had no idea such totally crappy networking sites were out there! Tribe.net is worse since their redesign, but MySpace simply sucks. Out loud. The search engine does not work, like, at all. Trying to add a friend is an act of congress. The UI is convoluted at best. Ugh. Hate it.
Will everyone puhlease just pick one freaking crap-ass networking site and STAY THERE? Why must I continue to maintain all these profiles?? It's a colossal waste of time. I avoided Friendster, but it appears that the latest and greatest for the html impaired is myspace and I can't avoid it. Criminal Records is using it. DJ Evil Z is using it. Nick is using it. Bleh.
For the record, it's easy to find me anywhere on the internet, just look for misangela. All my accounts are under this name except for AIM, which is misangela1 due to the mysterious loss of the original by the morons at AOL. I use iChat, btw, which runs on the AIM network. This is another area that is a huge waste of time: chat clients. I've got an ICQ account which I don't use anymore, a Yahoo account which I don't use because I don't like it and the AIM account which I use constantly because I'm an iChat user. I know AIM sucks ass on a peecee, so you people should get Trillian so you can log in ONCE and monitor all the various chat feeds at once. I'm not going to have multiple chat clients open and I know PeeCee users hate AIM, so there's your alternative if you want to find me. :-)
Ok, I've gotta get some lunch, do an invoice and then think about heading to the Farmer's Market. Later.
I've just about had enough of ITXdesign.com. Back in the day, they were small and friendly and I got EXCELLENT service. I could call up there and talk to Paul, the owner, and he'd help me with various technical issues and such.
However, now they have grown and are a fairly large hosting service. Guess what was the first thing to go by the wayside? RIGHTO! SERVICE. Now, the only way to get through is via their slow ass chat or via phone queue hell. No one knows anything and none of the low level support dudes can do a damn thing for me.
I want to move my sites to the spiffy new servers that they installed 2 years ago but never migrated the old clients to. Yeah, that's right, the OLD CRAPPY clients who have been with this company since the get-go get the shitty server and shitty reseller program whilst the new clients get better plans, a better control panel and, well, better everything. Hell, I can't even sell a hosting plan anymore because the client can go straight to ITX and get a better plan with better features for less than I can sell it to them. Apparently ITX doesn't see the issue I have with that.
I asked to be moved back in November 2005 and as of today, nothing has happened. I'm very frustrated with them and I'm looking to change hosting. Hell, if I have to move everything myself then I may as well check out a new host, right?
I'd like to have suggestions for a new hosting service. I need a full service host (not any microsux shit, but all the database and scripting shit) with decent bandwidth and storage space for under $10/mo.
Behind the cut is my rant about all this:
<-begin rant->
I'm sick to death of being everyone's bitch. I'm sick of Earthstink lying to me and forcing me to deal with fucking Indians who don't speak English. I'm sick of ITX treating me like a second class citizen when I've been there longer than the asshole support guys I'm forced to deal with. I'm sick of the goddam mailman giving me attitude because HE got in trouble for not delivering my mail and my neighbors' mail in a timely fashion. I'm sick of the goddam bank making me jump through hoops for them to waive a fee that I shouldn't have to pay in the first place. I'm sick of being the pariah of Decatur because I had the audacity to have a disagreement with a neurotic, pathetic girl. I'm sick of calling the fucking plumber I paid $1400 for new plumbing and then she never shows up to fix the fucking leak that I've had since last fucking FALL. I'm sick of having friends who don't stay in touch - hey, if you move, I can't find you, get it? I'm sick of being disappointed. I'm sick of trying my very best and getting nothing but shit for it. I *do* try my best, you know. I may not succeed, but I DO try. I try to be helpful and generous, but it just never seems to be worth the effort. Fuck it. <-/end rant->
Or I just might ridicule you on my blog! Heh!
The latest affront to my generous nature has occurred via DragonCon, of course, the source of the phrase: "No good deed goes unpunished". I was poking around the DragonCon LJ and came across a costuming entry, so I went over to the DragonCon site to check out some other programming tracks. I read the Costuming track blurb then went to their "site". I use that term loosely. It's a retina burning monstrosity that takes the breath away. So, since this is a new track and all, I thought I'd offer to redo their "site" for free just so it could be read by interested Con attendees. I send an email to Brian Holloway, the track director, knowing that I'd get the typical DragonCon Approved™ rejection.
I did get the DragonCon Treatment™ as I've come to call it any time I try to offer help to anyone who is in the upper echelons of DragonCon. Here's his response (from an AOL addy, of course) to my offer to redo his "site" for free:
"[...]The page we currently have is WAY ahead of what we had last year and allows for easier accessibility for myself. I am sorry that you are not happy with it, but so far, you are the only one. Since it is JUST designed to give a general idea of what is to come and to generate some interest as well as a bit of buzz.....we will stay with what we have.Yep, Brian, it's just me, I'm sure. I can tell you have a "strong background" in programming, that would account for your total and complete lack of style or design ability. I can see your "years of design" shine right through, oh yeah! 1996 retro is really IN right now! Nothing screams "professional" like an AOL address and a nasty ass MSWord written website!! What a complete asshat. I may not be able to write programs (assuming this guy is even a programmer at all) or even a complicated website, but I sure as hell can design a site that doesn't cause an eye poking headache. I can't WAIT to see the Dreamweaver site, can you? Does Dreamweaver import MSWord/Frontpage sites? Jaysus gawd.
Thanks for our [sic] offer though, [...]. I have done design work for years and have a strong background in computers and programming, however even though I have taught FrontPage I have never actually done my own site. I am enjoying the experience and being able to play with it some. [...] I am quite happy (as is the staff) with the site this year."
Trust me, just don't waste your time offering help to anyone at DragonCon, EVER. They want plenty of grunts to do their dirty work, but if you have a real skill, forget it. The track directors OWN their tracks and they want no help from any pesky con goers, thankyouverymuch. A few years back Nick and I offered to redo the main Con site (since it was circa 1995 with animated gifs and all), but were spurned because Matt Foster wanted to do it himself. Fine. Then we asked if we could at least fix the damn PayPal link so everyone could buy multiple badges (it's a simple bit of code to make it a PayPal Shopping Cart). That little suggestion got a response akin to us asking if we could take down the whole site and put up porn instead. You'll notice that you STILL cannot buy more than one ticket at a time via PayPal. Assholes.
It's just not worth it to offer help to any of these track directors. They are all so enamoured with themselves and the heady power of running a track at DragonCon, OMG!! I'm done. No matter how bad the site is, no matter how easy the fix, no matter what, I'm not offering anything to anyone at this Con ever again - I do NOT need the abuse. This gift Angela is CLOSED.
So the headline today on the AJC is "Moratorium on McMansions". The article is here, but you'll probably have to register to read it, fuckers that they are at the AJC.
Anyway, this issue of McMansions has been an increasing problem here in Atlanta. What McMansion means is a huge ass monstrosity of a house built to the lot line on a teensy 1/4 or 1/2 acre lot with a postage stamp "yard". They are being shoved in neighborhoods where they are surrounded by small ranches or bungalows that are typical in an old INTOWN established neighborhood. This is happening due to the asshole suburbanites moving back intown because they are tired of driving 2 hours in traffic every day. (WAH fucking WAH you wankers)
Suburbanites, you see, don't want these OLD homes with character that are in Atlanta's established neighborhoods like Virginia Highlands, Inman Park, Morningside, Decatur and other areas. NO WAY, they want huge ass cookie cutter "mansions" like they have in the suburbs with 5000 sq. ft of house crammed on a 1/4 acre lot that is within touching distance of the next "mansion" that looks exactly like the one they are in. It's a sickness that suburbanites have, much like having to drive a Tahoe when the most they haul is 3 bags of groceries. In the 'burbs, bigger is better and size matters.
Meanwhile, those of us who live intown and enjoy our old crappy tiny houses with character are threatened by the sudden influx of the aforementioned suburbanites whose mission is to make inside the perimeter (ITP) just like the outside (OTP). Their goals:
- Huge disproportionate houses on tiny lots, preferably all the same model and color
- A "Neighborhood Association" (read: Nazi regime) to ensure that all homes remain exactly the same
- A monster truck or two in every driveway
- A strip mall every 3 blocks (with gas this expensive, who can drive far in a Tahoe??)
- A Wal-Mart every 4 blocks (ditto)
- Mind numbing sameness as far as the eye can see.
I think all the sameness makes them feel safe. But I digress.
The issue is that these breeders are tromping into our intown neighborhoods and building HUGE 3 and 4 story houses that dwarf the ranch homes surrounding them. They are wrecking neighborhoods all over Atlanta. The Ponderosa off of La Vista Road is a prime example of this rampant overbuilding. This neighborhood is mostly ranches and split levels, I think they're from the 70s or maybe the 60s when these styles were the norm. A developer started buying up homes as people moved or died and then to the horror of the neighborhood, started razing the original homes and erecting 3 story McMansions that sit right up to the lot lines. Not only is this visually unappealing, but the noise from the 2 or 3 AC units that it takes to cool the damn things in the summer make it impossible for the surrounding neighbors to enjoy their backyards, much less even see the sun since they are next to a multistory building.
There are ordinances being readied for votes in Dekalb and Shirley Franklin has already stopped the infill building in the city of Atlanta until some rules can be put in place. Everytime I see a "Stop the Infill Building Ordinances! Save your property values!" sign I want to get out and steal it. They are ALWAYS next to a batch of cluster homes (aka McMansions). I have nothing against infill building IF it follows the basic size and style of the surrounding neighborhoods. Period. We have 2 new homes across the street from us and they fit beautifully with the rest of the street. They are bigger, but the lots are so large that you really don't notice.
Of course the developers insist that it's GOOD for the neighborhood because it raises property values, which is bullshit. Who would want to buy a small ranch that sits in the shadow of a McMansion? Moreover, who'd want to pay MORE for a ranch in the shadow of a huge McMansion? What it does do very efficiently is raise property taxes. And of course the suburbanites are clueless about what everyone is mad about. Doesn't everyone want to live in a McMansion?? Why can't we get rid of these pesky independent stores and put in a nice Wal-Mart? We don't want old crap, we want new strip malls! Why is everyone mad? DUH
If you didn't click that link, do it now. It's an excellent dialog about what's happening, with both sides represented in the comments.
There is a reason that ITPers detest OTPers. OTPers, if you want your sameness, you GOT IT out there in the 'burbs. If you have to have that lifestyle then stay the hell OTP where you belong!! We don't want you here with your bullshit mansions, strip malls and SUVs. We LIKE our old homes. We LIKE our established neighborhoods. We LIKE our independent stores. So take your OTP lifestyle and check it at 285 baby. If you want to live with us, then you gotta give up your OTP bullshit.
If you can't give it up, then may I suggest Tributary? Just look at how close those houses are! That should make you feel right at home.
...and the Law Won. Natch.
I went to court, the officer lied, brought in "witnesses" who did not even testify about me in particular, they testified about the "problem of people passing busses in Decatur".
I'm $490 poorer.
Decatur City cops suck ass. There was no bus there, she changed her story, period. She was out to give a ticket, just like she told me at the outset. She has been sanctioned by the City of Decatur to hand out tickets, it's one of her specific jobs, I found out. (The cop has to list off the stuff that s/he does specifically.)
Oh, well, gotta make EXAMPLES out of the rich white folk who are tryin' to run down the po' black chilluns in the screet every day in Downtown Decatur, right?
Whatever.
Even though I figured I'd lose, it's still a bummer. But here's a tip for anyone who's never been to traffic court: if you think you're gonna lose, just pay the ticket before your date or use no lo contendre. If you wait and go to traffic court, it costs you $70 more. If you use no lo, then you can't use it again for some period of years, so be careful with it. I shoulda used it.
Here's another tip: do NOT drive in Downtown Decatur between 2:30pm and 3:30pm M-F. Apparently Officer Strawn's raison d'etre is to hand out $420 tickets. And they have 2 black women who are engaged by the city to come to every traffic ticket handed out as "witnesses" to the rampant passing of busses in Decatur. It's a racket and it works.
Now I just have to find a way to shake it off and continue on. I had that money earmarked for some stuff that just won't happen now. Hopefully another job will fall in my lap for $500 so I can offset this. At least I had the money and I didn't have to dip into our household funds. It still totally sucks.
Can I just say how much I'm sick of the scene or lack thereof here? I cannot stand the Decatur Clique and I want to remove myself from it ASAP. The Decatur Clique has once again shown its collective asshole to us and I'm DONE. Last time I checked, High School ended back in the 80s. Grow the fuck up. This Clique is the oh, you've pissed one of us off, so you must be shunned. I feel like I live in Heathers.
The NOLA crowd is great, I love you guys, but you're very far away. It's not like I can run over and have a quick cocktail after work or anything. It's a big to-do to come visit there or for you to come here. You know what I mean. I wish to the gods you were closer in, but you are not. :-( Our only close in friends are preoccupied and not very sociable right now. We hardly ever see them, so they aren't a lot of help. We feel very isolated and we live in a town of millions!!
For fuck's sake, there has got to be some cool peeps IN TOWN somewhere. We canNOT be the only "normal" people who like a little freak on the side in this fucking town. By "normal" I mean people who have jobs, pay their bills, live like normal people but are freaky on the weekends. There has got to be some people who share our interests and do not live in communes, are not hiding from the law, who have a car, have a home, pay their bills and are basically sensible humans but like to party. Aren't there??
It certainly doesn't seem that way. It seems like we are the only people in this stinking pit of a town who can balance a normal life and some freaky tendencies without being total drama whore losers: aka, the Decatur Clique.
I'm so over Decatur and everyone I want to hang out with living in the fucking 'burbs I could just die. ARGH.
Is it too much to ask for friends who are close, normal, accessible and FUN?? Is it too much to want to be OUT of the goddamn Decatur rumour mill? Dammit, I am so OVER IT. It's a fucking good thing I love my man and we're best friends or I'd be a complete hermit fer sure!
JUST DAMN!
So, I get a note back from TuCows support about Blogrolling. They swear that they are not getting rid of it and nothing is wrong at their end:
"...there was some kind of a connection issue between you and them."
Riiiight. I'm too stupid to try different browsers and other basic troubleshooting. Asshole. Of course, it's back up just fine today and no one in the Tucows support dept knows anything about the outage.
It sucks when large companies take over our services. It just plain SUCKS.
Well, it appears that the assholes at Tucows have disabled Blogrolling. This happens EVERY time some small service gets eaten by a large corporation.
You'll notice that the list is gone and I can't add or delete anything because blogrolling.com is down. Fuckers.
This REALLY pisses me off!
I think the blogosphere could use a new service, don't you? I think Angela had a good idea with BlogXchng. I'm calling Paul. There has *got* to be a way to get a new linking service going without breaking the bank.
Anyone interested in starting up a new blog linking project? PHP, MySQL and PERL programmers are needed!
Heh, then you have obviously never heard a Foamy the Squirrel rant!
They make me scream with laughter! (Thanks to Russ and Heather for getting Nick that T shirt!)
Now, go get yerself some Foamy the Squirrel and don't EVER tell me I rant too much EVER again!
I mean it. I never want to see another pissy complaint about my foul mouth, my foul rants or my overall misanthropy. Clearly, there are others worse than I. And they make money at it, too. Hmmm...
Why are you still here? GO NOW.
That's IT. The last straw. NO MORE jobs involving crappy assed Microsux machines. NONE. I don't give a shit if you offer me $500 an hour, fuck you, I'll take NO MORE jobs with these horrid systems.
You need help with one? Call Onyx. Do NOT call me. Or Nick. IndigoDragon is out of the PeeCee support biz (not that I ever wanted to be there in the first place!).
Do NOT read any more if you are gonna get your feelings hurt. I just need to say this to vent. You've been warned.
The problem is more than just a crappy OS on crappy boxes. The problem is that no PeeCee user really understands what's happening and therefore can never, EVER tell you what the real problem is. So, you take a job that should be a simple networking gig and walk into a network that was set up (inexplicably) with a Winblows 2003 server as a DHCP server and a print server and you're immediately doomed to a WHOLE day job rather than a TWO HOUR job.
That's fine if you you a) don't have a REAL job you've only taken a HALF day off from and b) you BILL for the WHOLE time you're there and c) it's not on a goddam FRIDAY when traffic will SUCK OUT LOUD and take you 2 hours to get home if you try it at 4pm.
And finally, it's fine if you don't mind blowing off your REAL job to fix the ills of the PeeCee impaired. BUT when you have a PARTNER sitting at another job that is definitely only 2-3 hours long and SHE needs to get home to FINISH HER OTHER FUCKING WORK THAT IS DUE and she loses a WHOLE day due to the PeeCee impaired, now that is a whole 'nother thing entirely.
It's beyond my comprehension how FUBAR this day got. And for what? A 2.5 hour billing? Fuck that. I didn't even charge the DRIVE FEE that covers going up to hell's half acre!!!
Last time I checked, I was speaking ENGLISH to my idiot partner and the person we did the job for. I KNOW for a fact I asked about how that network was set up and I was assured that, NO, the server was not used in the network setup. I also KNOW for a fact that I PLAINLY stated that this gig was to END at 3pm at the latest to ensure that we could traverse fucking 285 on a fucking Friday.
Goddam, I'm pissed. I feel that the gig was NOT as it was described and I feel that my partner should have had sense enough to WALK AWAY. I did NOT take a "redo the whole fucking network and reset the server" gig. I took a "hook up all cabling and make sure the internet is accessible" gig. Why my partner didn't understand that, I just don't know. Why the person who we did the gig for didn't understand that TRAFFIC IS BRUTAL on Friday, I just don't know. Seems pretty simple to me. Anyone who's lived here for more than a week (EVEN OTP) should understand that.
INCONSIDERATE!!!!
Now I get have a relaxing Friday night sitting here in front of my Mac, doing all the work that I didn't get to do today while I was waiting for my ride.
Yes, yes, I'm PISSED.
NO NO NO NO don't even try to talk to me right now.
I need to cool off.
I just spent $955 on my fucking car and now it won't start if it's raining. The goddam asshole at the shop denies that it's anything they've done, of course.
Yah, right, I never had a single problem until THEY cracked open the case and fucked around with the car, but oh, NO, it couldn't be their fault.
Fucking asshole mechanics should be shot. There is not ONE on the planet that's not a goddam liar. I know for a fact that THEY left something loose or undone and that's the issue, but how much you wanna bet it'll cost me several hundred MORE dollars for their mistake?
GUARANTEED.
FUCKERS.
[end of the story: Asshole Dave wanted $600 for a new distributor plus labour, natch. We got into it and he refuses to work on my car any more. Oh, BOOHOO, like I will use you again?? NOT. I called Honda and they wanted $300 to put in plug wires!! Can you believe the balls these people have? The distributor is around $400 (NOT $600) from Honda, but you can get an aftermarket for $135. The plug wires from Honda are $75 or $48 from NAPA. The distributor cap is $18. The rotor button is $11. So I got all new replacement parts for $100 from NAPA and I will do the fucking work myself. RH Auto, for those who live in Decatur, is an OK shop, but they are the KINGS of overkill. If you need a $18 distributor cap, they'll tell you that you have to replace the whole distributor. It's really ignorant to do that with an 11 year old car. Yah, Dave, I *need* a whole new car, but I'm not asking you for that, you moron. So, needless to say, I'm looking for a new mechanic. And a new Honda, for that matter! ]
I did my shopping last Friday at Amazon.com. I saved the cart so I could finish up today. I go to complete the order only to find that the soonest I could get my order from Amazon was Jan 6th!!! And then only if I paid for the Super Duper Fast shipping of about $100. WTF???
I left in disgust and went to Barnes and Noble. They said everything I wanted would be shipped in 3-8 days for FREE. Well, YAY! I thought. But NOOOOO. Only after I'd PLACED the fucking order they tell me, oh, by the way, this will ship out Dec 22nd with a 3-5 day delay after that.
GODDAMMIT! Since the order has already been placed, I have to go back in and manually delete everything from the order because being able to cancel a whole order would be too easy. Fuckwits!
So, in order to get my shit and get it wrapped, etc., I have to haul my ass to the frelling MALL. I'm so pissed I can't even see straight!! What the hell is wrong with the online retailers? I've ordered the first week of December before and not had this problem!
All I can say is "FUCK 'em". I'll run to the mall and get everything done in one afternoon. Fuck Amazon.com and BN.com and most of all, fuck UPS and the other shippers who apparently don't understand the concept of hiring more people for the holidays.
GRRRRRR!!!
Last night, I witnessed the dumbest driver that I've EVER seen. I live in Atlanta, so I've seen many morons on the road!
I was taking Angel home to Oakhurst via E College Ave. This requires a left hand turn onto McDonough right after Agnes Scott College. There is no turn signal at this light. Traffic was still heavy at 7:15pm or so, which means that in order for anyone to turn left, the first car must pull up into the intersection on green in order to make the turn on yellow. It's standard practice to do this in order to keep any sort of traffic flow. Otherwise, no one will get through the intersection, like, EVER, as the case in point will illustrate.
We pulled up just as the light was going from green to red and one car got through. The stupid woman in front of us was first in line. The light got around to green again and she didn't move an inch into the intersection, so I figured she planned to gun it on yellow and squeak through as is the practice here. Well, NO. She sat there. (We're on light no. 2 for those keeping track.) The light goes through another cycle and comes back to green (#3). She still sits. Now there are 4 or 5 cars behind me patiently waiting, but I'm now yelling out the window for her to MOVE INTO THE INTERSECTION. She moves up about 2 feet, then stops again and lets the light go red. Now she's too far into the intersection.
Meanwhile, here comes a MARTA bus up McDonough, making a left turn into our lanes. This is a narrow street, so the bus needs LOTS of room, and of course our resident moron is in the middle of the intersection. Even when the bus is about to take off the front of her car, she sits there. By now, EVERYONE in the bus and in their cars has begun yelling at her to MOVE. All of us in queue start inching our cars back so the asshat can have room to back up and get out of the fucking way. I'm waving her back as she inches about a foot then stops again. I'm SCREAMING at her to come on back, she's got room. So she inches again. Everyone on the bus is hanging out the windows directing traffic and I'm telling her to come on back some more. She then floors it and gives my bumper a good whack and I tap the car behind me from the impact.
The bus manages to get by but now the moron is too stupid to pull back up and get off my bumper. I scream at her again to MOVE THE FUCK UP. (I believe the actual quote would be "Move the fuck up you stupid cunt!!!") She moves about a foot up. We've missed another light in all this, so now we're on light #4. The idiot from Whitfield county is now waving at me and pointing to the side street, as if she wants to discuss the bumper incident. Yah, RIGHT. Stupid bitch! Go back from whence you came you stupid hick. You obviously canNOT handle driving in the Big City. Christ!
The exasperated girl behind me has finagled enough space to pull out of the turn lane and into the through lane to the right, which in turn allows me and the rest of the line of about 10 cars at this point to pull out of the turn lane and get around this nimwit. Green light #5 shines its beatific light upon us and as I jet around the stupid hick from Whitfield county, she has this look on her face like "OH! You can't go, we've not discussed the bump!". I waved at her and we proceeded to Oakhurst. Light #6 was changing as we drove away.
She was still sitting there, holding up traffic, apparently paralyzed with fear of turning left without a signal. I was sure she'd still be there when I came back on McDonough. She wasn't, so all the traffic from downtown must have cleared out so she could turn with no one in the oncoming lane.
Fuckwit.
We assumed that this horribly stupid woman normally gets around by only making right hand turns. This woman has NO idea how much energy it took to not get out of my car, drag her out of hers, get in and make the fucking turn FOR her, then beat the shit out of her and key her car for good measure. Angel was fit to be tied as well. Rather than get hauled to jail for beating an obviously retarded girl, we had a massive laughing fit while we were trapped behind her. It's been my experience that it's better to just burst into screaming gales of laughter than beat the living shit out of some moron who desperately deserves it. As we tooled over to Angel's house, we wished the stupid cunt the night that she deserves.
And people wonder why there is such a thing as Road Rage. Duh!
After the hellish experience at the Court Recorder the other day, one would think that I've had my share of shitty attitudes from underpaid "service" personnel. But NOOOOOOO.
I look at my bank account today to see a $69.99 charge from VirginMobile for no apparent reason. Well, I know that they've charged me for the replacement phone I got last month, even though they shouldn't have. So, I call the assholes in Customer NO Service and ask that the $69.99 be refunded immediately. The little girl I was so lucky to get informed me that Virgin didn't give refunds and that was that. After about 5 minutes of telling her that she is totally clueless and that I would indeed get a refund since I HAVEN'T BOUGHT ANYTHING, she finally understands that it was for a replacement phone, DUH, like I said. So she hems and haws and puts me on hold 3 times them finally comes back and says, well, it'll take 4 days to get a refund. So solly cholly.
So, I ask for a Supervisor. Like, deja vu! It's totally, like, I've done this before! Probably because I HAVE done this before with Virgin. They suck, suck, suck.
So I get this bitch assed woman on the phone who informs me that it's MY FAULT that they have charged me for another phone because I clearly did not put the correct VMU# on the box. I said that I beg to differ, I know what a VMU is and I know I put the correct # on ALL sides of the box I mailed the phone back in and if it was wrong, it's because the CSR gave me the wrong VMU#. She challenged me AGAIN and said it was my fault and I'll just have to wait for Virgin to get around to refunding me. I hung up on her before I called her a fucking bitch.
THEN I get a snippy little email from them again informing me that they can't give me a refund, but if I call my bank, get them to conference call Virgin and have an authorization over the phone, THEN they can give me a refund. WTF? So, shortly thereafter, this snot nosed little punk ass boy calls me and informs me yet again that if I hadn't screwed up the VMU, then Virgin wouldn't have charged me for another phone. He then reiterates the email message but adds that if I can get the fax # for my bank, then they can fax a funds release form. WTF?? After a few choice words to him, I hung up before I called him a punk ass little bastard, threatened to kick his punk ass and got myself in a lawsuit for terroristic threats.
I choked down a small portion of my dinner which I didn't want anymore and then called Virgin back to tell them that I can't get ahold of my bank until tomorrow and none of this is acceptable in the first place. I got an "Escalated Call Specialist" named Carmen who finally did take responsibility for this whole mess and tracked down the problem. Unfortunately, she can't fix the problem, but at least she did her fucking job. Miracle!!
When did Customer Service become Fuck You No Service, anyway? Is it totally impossible to get decent service at all anymore? Do companies not understand the concept of customer retention? I've dropped so many companies for shitty service: ATT, Rich's-Macy's (Federated Dept Stores), Holiday Inn Decatur, numerous restaurants, numerous internet hosting companies, the list goes on. It's a pain in the ass to drop things like long distance or your favourite store, but how else do you get the attention of the companies who wronged you? Calling doesn't help. Emailing doesn't help. Writing letters doesn't help. Reporting to the BBB Online only helps by virtue of getting a response, but it rarely corrects the situation.
Now, I'm forced to either put up with Virgin's shitty customer service or drop them and lose the $70 I just spent on a fucking phone [their actual phone service is great, btw, it's a shame the rest sucks ass]. Heaven forbid that the goddam cell companies be forced to standardize the fucking hardware. Nope, to change providers you gotta buy new hardware. The amazing thing is: sheeple put up with it. Even the famous "number portability" scheme is a lie. Only certain numbers in certain areas with certain providers are portable and even then your area code is NOT portable. It's all a lie, but the sheeple just sigh, pay the fees, sign the contracts and keep buying new phones without a grumble or complaint.
I wonder what sheeple would say if they had to buy a new TV every time they got a new channel on the Dish? Or if they had to buy a new home phone with each and every move? Or if they had to buy a new car every time they wanted to use a different gas? [I would use computers as an example here, but PeeCee users DO tend to buy a new computer everytime they upgrade the OS even though it's usually not necessary. Sheeple!!]
What the fuck ever. I'm so tired of being dicked over and treated like I'm a stupid asshole everytime I call a customer "service" number. Am I the only person who is sick of it? I must be, judging from the total lack of concern from CSRs everywhere. If more people complained and/or stopped using companies with the shitty service, maybe the companies would straighten up?
Put your money where your mouth is and maybe things will change! Just a thought.
I have mentioned many times how much I detest Mercury retrogrades and this one is certainly no exception. It has sucked big donkey balls! First, the refinance had to be completely redone. Then I have to deal with the ineptitude of the Dekalb County court system on Wednesday when trying to pay for my speeding ticket I got in July. None of the phone numbers have worked for the past 6 weeks, so I get to spend a couple of hours of MY DAY standing in line at the Court Reporters office being browbeaten by the bitch assed black women that work there. After all that, I get to PAY THEM $10 EXTRA for the "convenience" of paying by phone, despite having to go in person to get my ticket put in the goddamn system in order to pay it! Then the Ford dies in the driveway with a broken timing belt and some ruined tensioners to the tune of $800 or more. On top of all that, I've been feeling slightly ill for the past 3 days. I am not sure if it's strictly stress induced or if I'm fighting off a weak virus. All I know is that my stomach has been jittery and I'm very tired.
I suppose the good news is that we will close on the new refinance tomorrow afternoon, but since it's in the middle of this LOVELY Mercury retrograde, I'm concerned about the overall outcome of it. Feh! Sometimes you can't just stop your life because of an astrological event, but it still feels ominous when things have been sucky since the event started!
I'm SO over it I could just scream. I'm also feeling extremely fat and unattractive for this Con. I've not lost a single pound and my clothing choices have been severely curtailed because of my fat ass. My lifestyle has GOT to change. With my genetic disposition, I've got to get control of my body or I'll end up being 250# by the time I'm 40. My 5'4" frame can handle up to about 160#, but once I pass that, I start to look like I do now: fat face, double chin, beer gut, thunder thighs. My mother's a bitch, but she is right about my weight being out of control. I do think it's funny as hell, though, that since I got married in April, all of a sudden she's not concerned about it any more. I guess she figured my "settling down" was directly related to my weight or something equally as stupid. One thing's for certain: my weight is officially out of control and I must do something to stop it from it's inexorable increase. Too bad I've ignored it all summer so I get to be a fat cow at the con. What the hell is wrong with me??
That's enough whining for now. I need to do some work and it's not getting done with me having a whine-fest, is it? Off I go to do some much needed redesigning of the ID site. (yes, I'm STILL messing with that...)
Today I've been pondering this question as I earn my tech support money by doing things that a 5 year old should be able to comprehend. After burning off the irritation of having to do such simple tasks, I really began to think about why people act the way they do.
Clients who refuse to learn anything at all about what's going on, yet want to call you daily (for free, natch). "Webmasters" who haven't a clue about how email works. People who cut you off for no reason. People who run red lights. People who are too busy chatting on the cell to take the turn signal. The crackhead who scratched up the whole side of my car with tree cuttings because he couldn't wait until the car was moved. People who work in a customer service capacity, yet seem to know absolutely nothing about the service they support. The guy who ties up a whole city's traffic for an afternoon then wants to sue the city for his injuries when he FALLS off the fucking bridge he was threatening to JUMP off of for 2 hours before.
Is it possible that all these people are really morons? I suppose it's possible, but if that's the case, then the US is in bigger trouble than I thought! I mean, really!
Again, I'm forced to point out that if everyone would simply DO his/her part as a sane adult and not expect everyone else to do everything for him/her, it'd be a waaaaay different world out there, wouldn't it?
If people would simply take a few hours and learn the basics of how their computer works and how their applications work, then they'd have a clue about how to prevent/fix problems when they arise. I mean you don't have to be a techie to understand how email works, right? You don't have to be a genius to remember or write down your passwords, right?
If everyone behaved themselves on the road and did NOT do the things that piss them off when someone else does them (cutting off, running lights, cell phone use) then nobody would be acting like assholes, would they?
If everyone took pride in whatever job they had (even if they hated it) then we wouldn't have the dismal attitudes we've all been victim of. If everyone would just be fucking adults instead of whiney, sniveling self centered little babies who just want someone else to take the blame for their fucked up/boring/whatever lives we'd not have these issues, would we?
Well, would we?
I thought not.
Personal responsibility is not automatic. Especially not in this age of blaming everyone else for your problems. Personal responsibility takes energy and diligence which are two things that I rarely see in the lazy. But if you rule out stupidity, that leaves laziness. And if laziness is the root of the tendency to whine and snivel, then I think we're sunk.
This weekend, I talked about this issue with some friends (male and female) and they agree with my evaluation of female behaviour. So, with the knowledge that there are others who feel the same way I do, I post this Rant (that has been hanging out as a Draft) for your amusement.
"Damn, Sparky! Don't you know that you can't argue with a woman!" - John Crichton, Farscape
I'd have to agree with John. When it comes to women, I just don't understand them. They are two faced, back stabbing, petty, mean, underhanded people. And you will NEVER win an argument that is based on Female Rules.
But WAIT!! [I hear the cries already] You ARE a woman, idiot!
Well, yes, yes I am a woman, good catch there. However, I've never, EVER been able to act like one. Ask anyone who's known me since I was a kid. I played with dolls some, but mostly I played with cars, trucks, guns and sharp things. I played in the sand pile and had sand fights with the boys. I climbed trees and rode bikes with the boys. I played army with the boys. Later, I rode horses with the boys. In high school, I was an honorary drummer - one of the boys. I also made out with the boys, but that never got in the way of me being more comfortable with boys than girls.
In high school, I had "girlfriends", but I could never stay in one clique. Girls find that very disturbing, you know, when your alliances are split. Remember that song by Tori Amos "Cornflake Girl"? Well, that was me all over:
"Never was a cornflake girl/ Thought it was a good solution/ Hanging with the Raisin Girls/ 'She's gone to the other side'/ 'Giving us a yo heave-ho'/ Things are getting kind of gross/"
So, I get through High School with few female friends and those I had were all from different cliques, so I didn't really hang with them after graduation. I had other plans, like moving to the ATL to go to Music Business school and getting away from the fucking rednecks of Knoxville. Which I did.
This female friend issue has plagued me incessantly over the years. I have ONE good friend that has stayed with me since 1989: Sonya. We've had our falling-outs over the years, but we've always gotten over it. I've had a multitude of female "friends" that turned out to be only acquaintances so I tossed 'em. That goes for many males, too, but that's another story.
What is it about women that makes it impossible for them to TELL THE TRUTH? Is it genetically encoded? Is it female culture? Is it a Southern thing? I just don't know. If I knew, then I wouldn't continue to get burned by psychotic women!! I swear, I know just how men feel! Women are neurotic freaks.
Women hate me. That's all there is to it. I don't know if it's jealousy, fear, intimidation or all of the above, but I know fer sure that women do NOT like me. It's a rare woman who thinks I'm spiffy and fun to hang out with for more than an hour. There are a few of the rare women who like me [you know who you are], but overall, I have dismal luck with them.
Let me give you three scenarios to back this up. The names have been changed to keep me from getting hate mail, but if anyone involved in these scenarios reads them, I certainly hope that they recognize themselves. ::evil grin::
Scenario #1
This guy I dated in the early 90s and I remained friends long after we stopped dating. That is typical for me, I tend to keep old flames as friends. So, anyway, he had gone through a few girlfriends since we'd been together and our past was totally a non issue. To us, anyway.
Well, along comes this girl named K who is convinced from the beginning that I am "out to get [this guy] back". Which was ludicrous, if I'd wanted him, I'd a kept him in the first place wouldn't I?? But, she held this belief strongly. She didn't say anything to me about it, of course, that would violate one of the Female Rules, I'm sure.
Rather than be honest, she totally sucked up to me and made me think that she was cool and wanted to hang out. So we hung out. I told her that this guy and I had dated, like 10 years prior and she didn't appear to take this news as anything of consequence...but. You knew there'd be a BUT, didn't you? She goes back to his place after we were finished being "buddies" and ripped him a new asshole about the fact that he and I dated a decade ago!! How fucking psychotic is that!!??
So he told me about this next time we spoke and of course I got mad and tore her a new asshole and it just got UGLY after that. For some reason this guy ended up marrying the psychotic bitch (he has a rescuer complex) and he was too afraid to talk to me after that. We didn't speak for about three years. Yes, he's pussywhipped, but mainly he's just not the type to rock the boat.
He did contact me last year and we've since rekindled our friendship, but he still can't cross his bitch-assed psychotic wife, so when we do hang out, it's sneaking around during the day having lunch. I've forgiven him for his shortcomings, but I do rag him a little for cowtowing to that cunt.
Scenario #2
In 2002, they canceled Farscape, a really great SciFi series. There was much ado about this and fans all over were having Farscape rallies and demanding that it be put back into production. Of course, this never works, but meetings were had anyway. At one of these meetings, we met a really cool Brit and his wife, M. As we stood around and chatted, it was clear that we had stuff in common and so we began to hang out.
This went on for more than a year. We hung out, went drinking, had a good time. But in the background, there was strife between me and M. We got into it at a bar one night when she proceeded to inform me that I didn't know anything about computers or the internet because I used a Mac. WTF? I knew from her slips before that she had issues with me that she wouldn't be honest about, but I was really pissed off about this. I told Nick that I didn't want to hang out with her anymore, but I like the Brit, so I backed off a bit and I didn't talk about anything technical around her. The fact of the matter is that I am more knowledgeable than she, but since her hubby is a web god, she assumes that she must be one as well.
So, along comes DragonCon. In the months before, they were working on getting web design work from the cast of Farscape, since they'd done some work for GH [which fell apart due to Female Psychosis]. I'd heard the way M talked about G after they parted ways, so I knew good and well how malicious she was and how into drama she was. Her whole life revolves around the dramas of her online friends, and it's my belief that they just don't know her well enough to realize how much of a selfish bitch she is. But I digress.
Anyway, the Con arrives and they have no money for it, which was a big deal since they wanted to network and try to get more work. I offered to lend them some cash so they could do the networking that they wanted to do. Of course I don't like to lend money, but I figured it was for a good cause and I was led to believe that it was a dire emergency (see drama comment above). We did some work as a favour for our mutual Farscape friend in addition to this.
Well, the next thing I know, I've forced them to take money and tried to get in the middle of their business with their client. A huge flame war ensued and I was a horrible bitch because I tried to help them out. Again, WTF?
Things got ugly, the friendship with them ended badly and it was all due to Female Psychotic behaviour from M. It was so bad that M had her internet buddies (all Drama Whores) flame me on this site! I have no idea why she couldn't simply address her obvious dislike of me earlier and skip the drama. I was ambushed and burned by this woman who played by Female Rules that I obviously do NOT understand. She twisted everything I ever did into this Evil Plot To Steal Her Glory with the Farscape people.
Um, no. I never did want to do business with any of them, I just wanted to hang out and continue MY friendships with them (which I had long before I met M). But, of course, in true Female fashion, she made sure to run her mouth and tell lies to ensure that she was the victim and I was baaaaaaad. I ended up with no Farscape friends and no funny Brit to hang out with. It sucked. The silver lining was that I no longer had to deal with her.
Scenario #3
We met a seemingly cool couple at a Halloween party. They appeared to be fun and a little pervy like us and we scheduled an outing with them up at their place in Smyrna, 45 minutes from us. It's a known fact that I'm an intown snob and I detest the 'burbs. I don't like having to drive 45 minutes to "go out". It's not a good idea in this town. But I'm all for equality, so the plan was that they'd come down here for the next activity.
I liked the guy a lot and his wife was cute, but I was mostly neutral about her. I did pick up that she was not as pervy as he, but I didn't think much of it at the time. I think that was a mistake on my part.
At the event, I made a comment about the 'burbs and having to drive so far to get there, which is normal for me. No biggie, or so I thought.
Well, after the event, we don't hear from them again. I sent an email to the guy and never got a response. Then Nick sent an email to the guy and he responded that "they were put off by Angela's comments about the 'burbs". My response was "bullshit!". I think it was all about W being a female and deciding that I was too much for her. I think that W gave her husband an earful and he chose the easy way out.
Why would anyone give a big SHIT what I think of the 'burbs?? It just doesn't make sense. I know plenty of people that think I'm insane for buying a house in the 'hood and living where I do. I don't care! I'm the one living here and if anyone doesn't want to drive an hour to visit me, I understand that! It's not like I said her house was a piece of shit and her dog smelled! It's not like I made a pass at her husband! It's not like I said that I would never drag my ass up there ever again! No, it's some Female Rule that I broke and I'll never figure it out. Again, I was burned by the Female Rules that I just don't understand.
Those scenarios are but a few that I've suffered with in my life, and so help me, I hope that they are the last. I swear I'll never, EVER try to befriend a woman again. If a guy is married and I like him, I'll let Nick do the bonding. It's best that I do not interact with women. It always ends up like this and I'm sick of it!
For the few women that I'm friends with now (I think I am, but am not sure) I still hold the hope that things will work out, but I'm not counting on it. I'm always the one who gets flamed, talked about, and otherwise treated like a pariah in the end.
I know I'm not an "easy" person, but I also know that I'm very up front about how I feel and I try to be honest if I have an issue. I'm tired of apologizing for being me. I advise anyone who wonders what I'm about to simply check your own personal information about me. Yes, there are parts of me that no one sees but my closest friends (males), but for the most part, what you see is what you get. If I've never mentioned that I dislike you, then don't assume that I do. If I've never done or said [insert behaviour and/or opinion here] then don't make up shit to fill in the blanks. ASK ME. I mean, damn, how hard can it be? If I hang out with you and talk to you, then WHY assume that I have a hidden agenda?
WRITE THIS DOWN: ANGELA IS NOT A NORMAL FEMALE. SHE HAS NO HIDDEN AGENDAS. IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, YOU WILL KNOW IT.
It's too bad that being upfront, honest and opinionated are bad things according to the Female Rule Book. I propose that if more of those behaviours were the norm for women, there'd be a lot more REAL female friendships in the world and a lot less Female Psychosis. Notice how guys are with each other. A lot like how I am with everyone. Guys have friends without drama. Why can't women?
It's a mystery to me.
There is a newly forming bdsm group here in Atlanta that thinks anyone over the age of 39 is too old to be in the Scene. The group calls themselves Whippersnappers and they are all over LJ and other venues trying to drum up participation for their little event.
I'm not over the age limit arbitrarily set by these people, but I find it offensive that the little bitch who runs the LJ community feels that it's perfectly fine to ask people to leave the LJ community if they so much as DARE bring up the subject of ageism or question why there is an age limit in the first place.
The fact of the matter is that it IS ageist to ban anyone from an event because of AGE. Period. Just as it would be racist to ban blacks or Asians or whatever. Duh. The attitude shown by that little bitchy GIRL who moderates the LJ community is the very reason that there is very little legitimate bdsm activity in Atlanta in the first place.
It's not the AGE of the people, it's the attitude. No one, and I do mean NO ONE ever believes me when I tell my age. I look about 10 years younger than my drivers license and I damned sure don't prejudge anyone by how they look or their chronological age. I'd rather go to a play party with 10 people in their 50s who have a great attitude and like to have fun than go to the same party with a bunch of sniveling, whining 20-somethings who all look terrific but have shitty attitudes.
Who would feel comfortable in a bdsm environment where looks and attitude is more important than following the rules of play?? I certainly wouldn't and I have experience! How can there be a solid bdsm scene here in Atlanta when the "Old School" folks are banned from passing along their knowledge and skills? Did it occur to anyone in this new group that perhaps there aren't that many 20-ish experienced bdsm people in Atlanta? I mean, it's not like the ATL is the hotbed for bdsm and other "unusual" lifestyles! I personally know several people who are interested in the Scene but have been put off by these young Fantasm/Whippersnapper types, so I know this is an issue.
It's this little group of 20-something poseurs who dominate Fantasm and have made it intolerable due to their hipper than thou attitude. The Whippersnappers LJ community had a few posts about the age limit, citing the reason for it as 'people in their 20s and early 30s don't want to party with OLD people'. Bullshit. The real reason is that this little group is so immature and insecure that they are afraid they will be shown up by older, more experienced doms, subs and switches. And the truth is that they WILL be shown up by more experienced folks. Isn't that the point??
The point of having an active bdsm group (like PEP was) is to introduce people to the Scene and have an open dialog about the various forms of bdsm. Well, if you have a room full of newbies who all look FABulous DAHling but know nothing, who will do the teaching? As usual, this crowd of young poseurs is much more worried about how everyone looks and how hip they are than how much education is going on.
Personally, I'd choose Master Chuck (who is at least 50) to teach me about anything, anytime over ANY of the young poseurs from Fantasm. There is a lot to be said for appreciating a person for their experience rather than how good they look in vinyl.
It's a shame that these people are allowing their own immaturity and prejudices get in the way of forming a group with a good cross section of the Scene. For me, it's the wide variety of people who are in the Scene in the first place that fascinates me: young, old, big, small, dom, sub, you name it. I like the diversity!
Have these people not been to play parties before or what? I mean, one of the basic rules of any play situation is that you can say 'No, Thank You' and no one will be offended. I think if any of these people were really educated in the first place they would not feel that they needed to exclude anyone at the door.
So, needless to say, Nick and I will not be attending any of the Whippersnappers events nor will we attend Fantasm at the Crackhouse. Rather, I'd like to start up my own little circle of friends who want to have play parties. We'll have it at a different home each time and we'll call it Dinner and a Spanking!
If you know us (as in NO STRANGERS) and would be interested in creating a safe, inviting, FUN environment for play parties, please email me or comment here.
I decided to redo this entry to include parts of the flame from someone named Kat as well as our thoughts about this after talking about it. -A 20 Sep 2003
Last week was an excercise in what can happen when people have totally different goals in a given situation. The planets didn't help much - with Mercury going retrograde and Mars lurking too close for comfort. Mercury retrogrades are notorious for causing misunderstandings and such but couple that with Mars the planet of war and aggression and what do you get? A clusterfuck, that's what.
The week before the Con was busy as hell for us. Despite everything, we managed to get it done. We were ready for the Con by Wednesday except for some last minute projects. Then our friends began to freak out about how they couldn't afford to go to the Con and they'd have to skip it. Well, for once we actually had enough money to float them a loan, so we did and they decided to go after all. We'd made some really beautiful cards for them to pass around and it seemed that all was well.
But. You knew there'd be a "but" didn't you? They called me Thursday saying that they needed a bigger car to schlep their web clients to Little 5 Points for lunch, so I put aside my projects and helped out. It was fun, the client is a friend of mine and we got to catch up. Then the client asked if we (Nick and I) could possibly crank out some biz cards for him that afternoon. The client asked for a fancy card with a pic but I shot that down, thinking that Nick wouldn't have time to do it. So, then text was discussed and that is what I told Nick to produce: text only, with color from the website.
From the Kat flame: "From my own involvement, I knew that the client himself did not like the original cards."
This Kat person was not involved in any way with the cards. She was not at the lunch, she had no input at all. Period.
"When the client's agent told you off, you took it upon yourself to go back and make a whole other set of cards, which the client still did not like."
That never happened. I was never told off by anyone. The second set of cards were done minutes after the first set was rejected by the web guy, NOT the client. The client never saw the second set of cards until we dropped them off. Our second set, BTW, were almost identical to the ones done by the web guy.
"As a side note, the 'opposing' parties were originally going to do the cards. You were the one who jumped in and said you could get them done *correctly* by the time they were needed. No one outright asked you to do them, you *offered* Nick's time to do them."
Again, this person was NOT at the lunch. The client AND his agent asked me DIRECTLY if we could crank out the cards that afternoon. I then called Nick to ask him. Nick said he could. I never offer Nick's time unless he agrees.
So, I get home and Nick sends me the pdf of these totally kick ass cards complete with a pic and everything. I sent the pdf to the friend who does the website and he went ballistic. He trashed the card, said rude things about Nick's design and was a total jerk. I was so flabbergasted that all I could say was "fine, I'll have Nick redo them".
So, I call Nick, tell him about the phone call and he makes new cards with text only. He stays at work an extra hour or so to do all this. Keep in mind that the Con is the next day and we've not even finished our stuff yet. Nick comes home and we get ready to go downtown to stand in line for our badges. We didn't check email before we left. We go down there and see these friends, who say nothing about the cards or anything.
We get home and I find two nasty little emails in my inbox from earlier that evening, dated an hour apart. Not one nasty email, no, TWO nasty emails informing us "Do NOT use those cards tomorrow - they arent inline with the design on the site and the photo wasnt approved. They do not represent the brand Alan designed." Did they mention any of this when we saw them? No. Did they even bother to ask if we'd redone the cards? No. But they sure as hell had time to send 2 condescending emails! We were livid. This was a RUSH job, not a fucking BRAND MEETING!! We didn't even discuss "branding" at the fucking lunch! The client just wanted some stupid cards to give to fans so they'd go to the goddam website! Big fucking DEAL! This was clearly some sort of power play that we got into the middle of and now our "friend" seemed to consider us lackies rather than equals. He, apparently, thinks that we don't know what BRAND is and we don't understand corporate identity. Um, yeah, right, that's why our website, cards, letterhead and everything else is so tightly integrated...
The next day, after we fumed about this for 24 hours, I sat down and made an appropriate response to the nasty emails. They deserved every word I said and I retract nothing. I said, "Who are YOU to forbid us ANYTHING? What the hell is going on? Who the hell do you think you are? Do you think we're morons or something? What is your problem?"
I also said, "As for me, all I want is an apology for you acting like a total dickhead. Or not. Whatever. I'm not doing one more thing towards kissing your ass(es). I think a ton of beautiful FREE biz cards and a loan to get you thru the Con and my putting aside my projects to haul around YOUR clients is MORE than enough on my part."
The ass kissing part is about me putting up with them in order to allow Nick to pursue some web stuff that he wanted to do. I was ready to cut them loose a month ago, but I held on at Nick's behest. Should have dumped them when I had the urge to.
Their response to my email was not to shoot back a reply or even catch us in the hall to ask what's up. No, their response was to leave an anonymous envelope at the front desk of the hotel with only a money order for the loan we gave them. What is that? The Kat person says this about the money, "You were the one that left money at their house after they *refused* the money." But, as usual, she wasn't there and she is wrong. The reason I went over there at all is to deliver the cash that they agreed to borrow so they could attend the Con. We had it and we assumed that if it'd been the other way around they would have lent it to us. It was in my list of stuff I'd done for them because it WAS something I'd done for them and it was offensive of them to treat us like we were nothing more than a bother after we did so much to help them out. If they didn't want the cash, all they had to do was say no. They didn't. Kat would not know any of that because she WAS NOT THERE.
They apparently said something to the client about us as well, since he was clearly uncomfortable with us after this incident.
We never, EVER had concerns about making money off of this client. We met him casually at DragonCon a couple of years ago. We didn't mind that they got the web gigs - we can't compete with his mad web skillz nor would we want to. We vouched for them to get the web gig. The client asked us if they were trustworthy and if they knew what they were talking about and we assured him that they did. Apparently, the Kat person thinks that she was involved with this as well, she asserts, "I was there the night they originally talked with the client about it all." She was probably at the Chamber event and being as uninformed as she is, she probably thought that that was the only time the client talked to anyone. Wrong. We talked to him before the night at the Chamber. She wouldn't know about that.
With them, it's all about the money and making absolutely sure that they get all the opportunities whether it's their strong suit or not. Or so it appears to us, anyway.
That doesn't totally explain their sudden attitude of treating us like we are lackies who don't have the sense god gave a chicken. I might add that neither of us voiced our opinions on the website that they created (pastels for a male action actor, corporate blandness, horrible looking scans) because we thought it'd be rude. We would never, ever treat our friends like that. We have more respect for their work than that. Heh, not much concern of being rude from them! Hell no, they have no problem telling us what shit we create!!
So, ultimately, Nick kept at them until he got a response and all they had to say was, "Ok nick, the issue isnt with you, its with Angela, and to be honest
neither of us have the time or the patience for this kind of drama."
Well, if standing up against rude, condescending treatment is DRAMA, then baby, I must be the poster child. If that is the criteria, then I'll wear DRAMA QUEEN like a badge of honour. If fighting back after being pissed on is DRAMA, then BRING IT. If telling a WANKER that he is a WANKER is DRAMA, then I'm right there.
Was anyone unaware that I don't take being used very well? I wish I could be bummed about losing "friends" but honestly, with "friends" like that, who needs enemas? [end of the original Rant]
And as for Kat (javakittie@bellsouth.com), who didn't have balls enough to include her URL, one of her [many] parting comments was, "Although your 'opposing' parties are indeed my dear friends, this is all done on my own part." Yes, Kat, we know that due to the assumptions, inaccuracies and personal attacks that you made in the post.
After talking about this extensively, we have come to the conclusion that although Kat takes all the credit for the things she wrote, it had to come from somewhere. We think that the web guy's wife (who is the friend of Kat) is where all this came from. She has shown herself to be a harpie and to think very, VERY highly of herself and her self proclaimed skills so it would stand to reason that all the bile spewed from Kat is actually straight from the wife. We are grateful that Kat chose to relay the stories that she was told because we think that they gave the whole picture of just how little they thought of us all along.
When I made the stupid mistake of linking to the wife's post about the Con (rather than copy the text and post it), the one comment that she made which stuck out was that 'she should've known better' than to 'allow' us to be involved with the client. I think that one little statement shows the total condescension that we were shown by her and her husband. It tells more about their overinflated opinion of themselves and their total lack of respect for us than the rest of her post and the flame from Kat put together. As for her retort that I was revealing identities, well, if no names were used, then how did that bitch Kat know all about my website and everything else? It appears that it's OK for Kat to come to my space and flame me, but it's not OK for any of my friends to be able to check out her crap? Bullshit.
We regret spending a year of our lives with these people who had such a low opinion of us. Our question to them would be this: What was the fucking point? If we are such 'tards and such drama queens and such fans, then why did you hang with us at all? It seems kinda stupid to me. I'm inclined to think that as long as they were not challenged at all and we just went out occasionally, things were ok on the surface, but as soon as the chips were down, they showed their true colors. I am very glad to be rid of such asshole people, personally. Particularly the wife. She obviously had many, many issues with me that she didn't have the balls to bring up, but wasted no time blabbing to her little minion Kat. Mel (yes, that is her name, oooooo, how gauche of me) is one of those women who uses others (Kat) to do her dirty work because she hasn't the guts to do it herself. If she'd spoken up long ago, it would have saved the menfolk and me from this whole mess. She is a typical woman who relies on lies, diversion and duplicity rather than simply speaking the fuck up and being done with it. She is the quintessential example of female "friends", which is why I have only a couple of them. I do NOT like the female methods and I do not participate. Kat would fit into that category as well.
I may write inflammatory things in here, but at least you know where you stand with me. I do not play little high school girlie games, nor do I hedge my bets. I detest women who still have cliques and behave this way - which is most of them. There is a reason I hang with guys most of the time. Go figure.
We are glad to have all this crap behind us as we move along our path. We have lost nothing but some time and we've plenty of that.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I'm not so sure about that. I think that it could, if you're really fond of the person or thing, but not if it's just that you like it. In the last couple of months, since I've been absent from writing Rants, there have been a couple of times I was gonna write but just didn't. There were obstacles such as me trying to not be bitter about some stuff or trying to get this site wrangled by Movable Type or trying to stave off depression or just being used to being absent.
Now that I've discovered my absence from writing, I hope to rectify that and get back into doing these longer essays, these Rants, to clear myself of the musings that hang around in my head. Thoughts and ideas really do seem to sort of hang out and circulate until they get a release - be it writing or drawing or whatever.
So, now, to the task of ridding myself of some detritus that is cluttering up my mind and taking up too much space. First, I'd like to emphasize that I'm not feeling evil or mad or bitter or anything like that while I write this. I'm not any of those things. I'm mostly just tired of these things needing to be said, so I'm going to say them and purge them. Yes, some of them do involve some of you who may read this. If you think it's you I'm talking about, then maybe it is. If you'd like to say something on your behalf to make things clearer between us, then you have my email and you have my phone number. Use them. I'm not trying to start anything - to the contrary, I'm trying to end them for myself so I can move on. Got it? Good.
First off, I want to set the record straight about some money I've lent here and there. I am not a rich individual, as everyone on the planet knows. As a matter of fact, I've put myself in some pinches trying to help my friends. Some of them I've written off completely, others I'm still waiting to know what's up. It's not cool to borrow money and agree to pay it back by a certain time, then blow it off. It's not that I don't understand about being strapped for cash, it's about being respectful and communicating to me that you can't fulfill your obligations. Posting something on a blog is not the same as sending an email explaining what's up. It's just downright selfish and prideful to not offer some sort of personal contact. It's not a sin to simply say "geez, things are fucked up and I just can't repay you yet". It's common courtesy.
The same goes for relationships. They are sort of a commodity, too, if you think about it. There is give and take, with the commodity being feelings. I'm thinking that my commodity is pretty damn worthless to several people right now. People with whom I have a lot of history and some really good times. It's not good to feel that people you have cared about don't really give a damn anymore. I don't have any idea why this has happened. I know that I tried my best to be there and to be the best friend I could be. It's all I can do. I'm saddened by the loss, of course, but I've reached the limit that I can give with no returns. I tried, dammit. I hope that one day, perhaps some of it can be salvaged.
I've also realized that I've been absent from the feelings I've had surrounding the illnesses of two old friends. My friend in New York City has been very ill, fighting HIV and cancer. He was in the hospital again recently and I'm very worried about him. I'm scared for him, too. He is such a dear old soul! Although our lives have conspired to keep us from seeing each other as much as we'd like, he is an important friend to me and I think of him often. Another friend who lives in New Jersey has just had a hysterectomy to rid her body of cervical cancer. I did have the chance to see her a few weeks ago and I'm so happy that I did. She's a scary-smart Saggitarius that I could hang with every single day and never get tired of her. I have not spoken to her since the surgery, but I plan to call again soon to see how she's recovering. I know she'll be fine as far as the cancer goes, but I think she'll be depressed over the surgery and long recovery time. It's been a lot to deal with for me, since I can't be there in person to assist in any way. It's hard for me to NOT be able to help my friends out. I want to be there, fussing and clucking over them, being the Jewish mother that I am. I'm this way as much for me as for the people I fuss over. I like to take care of my friends. It makes me happy and it gives me joy. I think this, probably, is one of my biggest needs in life: to be useful.
I've also been absent in my career lately. I've been blocked at every turn with this host reseller thing that I want to try. At least, it's not anything to do with me! It's the owner of the hosting company that I've been trying to work with who's to blame for the holdup. He is great at writing code, but he sucks at business. He can't understand that you MUST, above all else, DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO for your clients. He never returns calls or emails. He never calls when he says he will. He just doesn't get it. I'm on the fence about whether to go through with the reseller plan or not, despite the fact that I now have a merchant account for it. I'm really pissed that I've gone to all this trouble and he can't even return a fucking phone call. Perhaps I should just say 'fuck it' to the hosting plan and try to get the herbal site off the ground instead? I'll make a decision about this next week.
Also on the career front, I've been prodded by my Taurus partner to take on a web gig that is way over my head. And his. Our favourite Web Ninja Andy has been gently prodding me to learn new web skills and oddly, it's Nick who decided to take this latest job. It's a gig that could be a $500 gig or a $3000 gig, depending on how much cash the client has. It involves database fumbling and other high end web bumblings that we really have no idea how to carry out, but he thinks we can do it, so off we go. Nick decided to take the job come hell or high water, so I really have no choice but to go along for the ride. I can't help but be amused by the conspiring of the Universe to shove me along despite myself. :-) I'm grateful for it and I'm trying to take the hint!
I don't want to be absent from my life. It bothers me when I realize I've lost 2 months to ???. To nothing. I know we all have fallow periods, but it seems that I tend to have more than most. Well, I don't know that for sure, do I? I think that I let things pile up then clean it all out at once. Now, today, I feel pretty good about the tidy areas I just worked on and I look forward to moving on down my path. I invite everyone who reads this to do the same. :-)
What a shitty week so far. God, if it gets any worse, I may have to bail the fuck outta here. It appears that the reseller deal I was working on has become FUBAR. That's what I get for allowing them to entice me with freebies and upgrades. It's become a clusterfuck of them making promises then not keeping them - such as accidentally deleting my motherfucking Miva shopping cart (and not restoring it), so now I have a goddam merchant account and no way to sell anything. This is gonna be a rant, I can feel it welling up as I type...
So, now what the hell am I gonna do? I suppose I'll call Bobbie, my PayQuake rep and tell her that everything has fallen apart and she can cancel my account or suspend it or something until I can line up some other way to use it. Goddam it. Of course, I'm quite sure I'll still get to pay the $49 fee.
I had another online retail idea, the herb site, but I'm not ready to do it. I mean, shit, I need MONEY for that. Do I have money? NO, of COURSE I don't have money! I never have money. That's the root of all this shit in the first place, lack of money. That's why I wanted to be a fucking reseller!!!
AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Oh, this so totally sucks that I just can't deal any more. Would someone just shoot me, please?
Fucking damn.
Tomorrow had better be a fucking improvement or I'm going to do something fierce.
Just watch me.
So, now I've got HOST issues! Damn, I just can't win lately when it comes to anything to do with the web. I've paid to get a merchant account set up and when I went into my domain control panel, I find that the Miva shopping cart is no longer there, so once again, my attempts to set myself up as a hosting reseller are thwarted. I'm soooo over it. I think the Universe is telling me that this is not what I should be doing. It shouldn't be this hard and I shouldn't feel this disgusted with the whole thing.
Which leads to the next obvious question: what the hell am I supposed to be doing? I have no fucking idea. It seems that nothing web based is going to work out, it never has.
I'm so very despondent about my life right now. :-(
I've been dumped by 2 old friends, I have 2 good friends who are ill, I am dieting like crazy with no results, I have no money for DragonCon, people owe me money that I could really use and that they don't intend to repay, the fucking Loan Officer thing has cost me $100 for nothing, I have a merchant account and nothing to sell, I can't BUY a fucking PT or FT job, FUCK I hate my life.
Fuck.
I was just futzing around and went to this chick's site that I used to peruse. She took down her blog for a while and she's started a new one, with - get this - a required registration!! My god what an egomaniac!! She and I got into it because I sent her an email about some horrific grammar gaffes that she made in a post, thinking that she'd want to fix it asap, but noooo, she was all pissy that I'd take the time to help her seem like less of a redneck than she is. Too funny!! She also went on this huge rant about how sophisticated and metropolitan and NOT redneck her town of Lawrence, KS is and therefore how sophisticated she is - despite the fact that New York City intimidated her so much that she made her husband move to KS to be with her. She must be a damn good lay, because he dropped his life and moved to buttfuck KS in a hurry. Anyway, I proceeded to correct her about how truly TINY Lawrence KS is with info from the Census. Oooooo, she REALLY didn't like that!! Teehee! FYI, Lawrence, KS is a fraction of the size of my hometown of Knoxville, TN and is about the size of my neighborhood here in Atlanta. She runs realmofredheads.com and thinks the world of herself. Eh, she's a Scorpio redhead, so I guess it's to be expected. I really don't think I fit that mold. God, if I do, please shoot me now!! I know for a fact that if I had horrible grammar and spelling in a post, I'd want to know immediately so I could fix it!! Who wouldn't (aside from a raging redneck who thinks she's beyond reproach)? But you know what? She broke me of trying to help out anyone with their blog (except the ones I run). If you read like an illiterate chimp, baby, don't expect me to help you out. Use the fucking spellcheck for chrissakes! Since then, I've taken to NEVER posting comments to blogs because people are just too illiterate to care. The bad spelling and grammar I see everyday in blogs is appalling. Americans are stupid illiterate lazy assholes for the most part and judging by the low level of literacy displayed daily in blogs across the internet, I see no way to dispute that.
One bright spot in the drudgery of today was that I got my ring! I wrote about it in the Rant and there is a pic over there, too. But other than that, it was generally a suck ass day by any standard. Nick is obsessing with our lack of funds and he has begun grumbling about me getting a job, so I sent out two resumes today. There is absolutely nothing available in my field, so I'm trolling for brainless jobs like receptionist or admin assistant. It's all very demoralizing since I know I'll be turned down due to being an entreprenuer. Or having too much experience. Or the employer deciding that the pay is too low for me and therefore booting me from the running. Yes, I've had all of the above happen and it sucks. The only way for me to get Nick even vaguely less twitchy is to get a real job, yet I'm rejected at the outset because of my extensive resume and obvious age. I see no way to win this predicament. None. So, my situation sucks ass and I am very unhappy. Nick doesn't understand any of it, since he is perfectly content to work for assholes who have no intention of paying him any extra for the two, yes TWO jobs he does for them now. He has no idea of the extreme irritation I feel about being rejected for monkey work. It's very frustrating for me. And on top of that, my cute girl friends are poised to make lots of money in the escort biz by simply doing what they do anyway: bdsm play. They are cute and skinny and it's just too frustrating for words. As a matter of fact, it's making me ill just writing about it.
Therefore, I will stop.
1:45pm
OK, today started off on a sour note with more banking follies and my client calling to reschedule, again. I was over it and very cranky about all that and it was only 10am. Then, as I'm chatting with Nick via iChat, I get pinged by someone whose handle I didn't recognize. My usual response to this is to tell them to fuck off and block them, but for some reason, I took the message. It was from a person that I had broken off with a couple of years ago.
We'd dated back in the early 90s and then we were sort of friends for years after that, although it was a lopsided friendship with me giving a LOT more than I got. Then he got involved with this girl that had issues (and all that word implies), who promptly banned me from his prescence. I don't think he had much to do with that decision, but he certainly did nothing to change it. In any case, I removed him from my world and rocked on. I was kept up to date via the grapevine and I knew that he married the girl. I assumed that I'd never hear from him again and let it go. Last year, the girl came into the Health Food store where I worked and made a complete ass of herself by a) cattily asking my coworker if my name was "Angie" then saying that I was 'a bitch' to the coworker and b) trying to TALK to me, like I would have anyfuckingthing to say!! I didn't recognize her at all (she looked rough) and she got in my face and asked why I hadn't moved away yet. I was so amazed that she'd be such an ass that I just sort of blew her off and walked away. I don't even remember what I said, but I'm happy to say that I didn't tell her to fuck off when I realized who it was. I was glad to get a good look at the honkin' 2+ carat platinum-set ring she was hauling around, tho. I had something to report to the rest of the circle of friends that were wondering what the hell happened to this guy that used to be our friend.
So, this guy just starts chatting with me out of the blue. I reread the transcript to make sure I understood what was said and sure enough, it appears that he has had some sort of lightbulb moment and he wants to renew our "kinda friendship". I don't know what to do with this information just yet. It's too much of a synchronicity to dismiss and yet I don't trust him enough to believe that he means any of it. He has, after all, proven over the years that his friendship skills leave a lot to be desired. Is he just bored and wanted to rattle my cage to see what kind of reaction he'd get? Did he really have a change of heart and decide to mend fences? Will he really face his neurotic wife and tell her that he wants to be friends with me again? Is it worth my emotional investment to even attempt a friendship with someone who has dissed me in a very personal, nasty way? What does this little encounter mean to me? I need to think about this very carefully.
Anyway, it's been a mindfuck sort of day here at Casa Misangela. I am so freaked out by all of this. GAH!!
[addendum: he has never msged me again or contacted me in any way. 6/03 More: he did call me again and we hung out some, but the bitchass wife won and he disappeared again in late 2003. 5/04- A]